New dating trend to get rid of unwanted “d–k pics”
Tabatha Gonzalez from New York tried Hinge for a year during the pandemic. After just 5 minutes of messaging with a new match, the man asked, “are you a 😈 or 😇?”
“Lol what do you mean?” Gonzalez, 26, responded. But before the matter was clarified, a photo of her “bulge” was in her Instagram inbox.
“I immediately blocked his Instagram and told him I didn’t ask for this and not to send pictures like this and he just let me read it,” she told The Post. .
“I felt so caught off guard. I mean, personally, I don’t care much about these pictures, but if I’m hanging out with you and you pull your pants down, that’s sexual harassment. It’s pretty much the same,” Gonzalez said.
The prevalence of online dating has led to an increased desire for virtual intimacy -sexting, sending nudes, including “dk pics”, online sex and dating for in-person sex, to name a few . But with lust comes some rules for love.
Digital consent is the latest online dating fad you need to master to find love — or at least not find yourself lonely, sexually frustrated, or feeling like a creep. Defined as an “enthusiastic yes” to a specific request for virtual intimacy, digital consent is becoming the norm — and the first step in dating apps.
“Living in a digital world means it’s important to have the same conversations about online safety as you would IRL,” Alanna Lauren Greco, Bumble’s editorial content director, told The Post. “Making assumptions can lead to overstepping boundaries.”
Unfortunately, the increased use of online dating — and online use, in general — has led to a slew of online violence and harassment against women. The generalized problem is highlighted in the context of Sexual Assault Awareness Monthwhich aims to raise awareness of the importance of creating a safe online space every April.
A World Wide Web Foundation survey found that 52% of young women and girls said they had experienced online abuse, including threatening messages, sexual harassment and sharing private images without consent, with 87% believing that the problem is only getting worse.
The deluge of unsolicited “dk photos” became so overwhelming for Jaymyria Etienne, 28, of Atlanta, Georgia, that at one point she had to “clarify that I want a photo of them and not of their dk,” she told The Post.
As with any sexual request, the first step is to ask for consent — and the best way to ensure you’re practicing safe and respectful digital dating etiquette is to simply ask.
“It takes two seconds” Grace Lee, a New York-based dating coach, told the Post. “The whole point of virtual intimacy is to have fun and be sexy, and it’s so much hotter when you know both people are really into it.”
She also noted that “the safer you make it,” the more “likely you are to get repeat action.”
When requesting digital consent, it is important to be clear and direct about your request. Match Group shared their nine tips for digital consent, and Bumble offers some examples ways to take the conversation to a more intimate level.
- “I really appreciate this conversation very much. Would you like to take it to a more intimate level? I would like to tell you what I would do if we were together right now.
- “I would like to show you exactly how I feel. Can I send you a nude photo? »
- “Do you want to have video sex with me? No pressure anyway. I just think it would be fun since we’re having such a great conversation.
Although these prompts may seem a bit awkward or silly, Dear Gopman, CEO of Wingwoman of NYC insists that asking for digital consent is actually seen as “exciting” for many.
“It’s exciting when someone cares about your feelings,” she told the Post. Gopman also explained that “when you get that digital consent, you know where their head is,” which is always important.
Gopman said inquiries about how to request digital consent have become the first questions many of his clients ask since the #MeToo movement brought the issue of consent to the forefront.
However, many online daters still receive rude and unwanted photos and messages.
Like many women her age, Logan Smith, 25, of Atlanta, Georgia, has also been bombarded with unsolicited penis photos.
“It was kind of depressing and very disappointing that guys who were supposed to be grown men thought they were going to get something out of it,” she said. “If someone has checked in before, it might be an awkward conversation, but it’s respectful to think about my opinion, my perception of things and my intention.”
Besides being the right thing to do, getting this digital consent can really benefit the relationship, give the person who asked for a confidence boost, and make the other person feel safe and respected while confirming how each person feels about the relationship.
Lee said that for “dating, in general, it can be scary to ask for anything” — but communication is key.
“Getting rejected is part of the package,” she added.